whenthecowsgomoo

2006-12-03T17:30:00.000+08:00

part of where im going, is knowing where im coming from.

just a quick post.
im heading out right now
well, not right now cause i gotta bathe..
but yeah,
cause naddy is bugging me to head out.
rubbish woman(:

im truely happy for the longest time(:

thank you.

so like im uberly tired and drained.
vonn and me had a long talk ytd after work.
and like my cousin came down to find me.
so i had alot of meaningful convrsations ytd((:
i learned things about my family.
and OTHER things. haha.

came home from church and like knocked out.
now i better go bathe before naddy starts making noise.
hahaha. shes such a nag know really.
lols.

okayy change of plans,
im not going already! haha!

if someone had told me
three weeks back
that i'd be this happy now.
i'd have told them
they were madd.

rarrs. being rushed to my grands now(:
dinner! curry chickennnnn
grandma's the mostest awesome woman
in this entire world.
well, her and mom(:

we've gotta long way to go..

and i aint in a rush to anywhere.

2006-12-01T10:45:00.000+08:00

im glad we worked things out last night.
i like it when you talk to me all sweet and all(:

wow. we gotta do something about how long we talk mann.
i mean, its getting later and later and later. 6am?
i gott school.=/
nevermind, in about a week plus i'd be having hols.
then i can talk to you however late i wish.

i woke up this morning exhausted and hungry.
and thought happy thoughts cause we good for now.
i havent eaten for about a day plus.
adding today makes it two days.
christmas is coming....
what do i get you? hmmm.
off to school soon.

i havent seen girlfriend in a while.

oh and btw, i do get jealous hor.
now i wished i knew how to dance=/

mann im fucking random((:

2006-12-01T00:24:00.000+08:00

hey,

i typed thatt post knowing fully well you'd read it.
and seriously. i dont need a time out.
gosh how did i manage to skip the honeymoon period
and jump right into the messy part.
i told you before thatt beinging in a relationship
means we've gotta learn about each other.
whatt you dont like or like.
likewise for me.

i have doubts, as well as many fears.
but dont think even for a second.
that those doubts involve being together with you.
cause you've made me happier
then i've been in a very long while.
give me sometime.
i dont understand how to read you yet.
but i want to learn.
and im sorry i made you upset
with my previous post.

that wasnt the intention at all.

i love my girlfriend.

i just told basically everyone who reads my blogg.
and i just appolgised too. and told you and everyone how i felt.
believe me(:

p/s: oh and if anyone's wondering.,
her name is xinni(:

call me.

2006-11-30T14:26:00.000+08:00

29th november((:

i dont like the thoughts that are running through my head.
but im forcing them back and trying to let rational override them.
i came into this with my doubts, but there's no backing out now.
but i cant help but have doubts and worries flooding my head.
let me be right.

trust is vital.
without it we have nothing.
i trust you(:

2006-11-29T18:35:00.000+08:00

Sexy Back

wow. its amazing how i havent
been blogging for oh-so-long.

yeahh, from the time of my last post,
manny things have happened.
and yes, they've happened veryvery fast.
i think, i've kinda fallen for someone.
and i hope its not too thickskin of me
to assume that she has too.

but for the most part, i find myself
more then alittle confused by her mixed signals.
we've talked about it and came to a conclusion.
a decision.
or she says she has.
but actually i dont think you
really understand whatt it means to make
a decision. and im not gonna put in so much
anymore. cause i find im doing all the work.
shes so different in the day and night.
like at night alone and on the phone
shes uber sweet but then in the day..
she's like cold. and i dont think i've reached
thatt stage of liking you to stick around
and get lost in your blowing hott and cold.
your almost like black and white.
i never know whatt ure thinking.
and it makes me wonder whatt you really want.
somehow i think even you dont know.
and yet you want me to commit to you.
girl, dont play me.
im capable of walking out this door.
cant help but wonder if im wasting my time.
hmmm.

//dont make me wait too long.
you might wake up tomorrow and find me gone.

should i get a live journal?

2006-11-20T00:56:00.000+08:00

christmas is coming it seems..
everyone's getting hyped up about it..
(yes caryn..i know you are..)
but i dont get what all the fuss is about.
i mean, whats the big deal anyhows?
i notice i say the same thing every year..
but i cant help it when everyone's
talking about it..

i dont really know why i dont like it..
there's no logical reasoning to it i guess.
i just dont.

christmas has never really brought me much joy.
maybe that's just it.
im sore. HAH!

but think about it, while we're stuck happily
in our own little happy bubble..recieving things.
there are many out there who dont even have a
place to sleep, no happy endings for them..
survival in itself is a chore..never knowing
if they'll live through to see tomorrow.
dont get me wrong, i loovvee getting things.
its just a thought.

but seriously though,
whats so great about christmas?????

ohwells. i've school tomorrow morning.
but like first lesson at 9am is cancelled..
so we only start at 10am tomorrow((:
but then there's work at the end of the day..
sighs. schooling stinks.
projects. work.
im in over my head..
i go to school everyday and absorb barely half.
how to make it you tell me?
i wanna study abroad though..
hahaha. i contridict myself waaayyy too much.

hmmms. maybe pubbing with ppl i hardly know
this coming tuesday..
i dunno why ppl see it as flirting
or being despo..
i mean whats so flirt/despo about it?
im single. and making friends.
whats the big deal mann.
though im not really interested.
but my friend wanna go..
so i think i'll accompany her la.

mitch was uber grumpy throughout today.

goodbye. goodnight.

2006-11-19T02:18:00.000+08:00

run away train

song for the night/morning:
runaway train
soul asylum.

lyrics:-

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I ~~couldn't~~ keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One ~~more~~ promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

CHORUS:
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

CHORUS

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

***********

okayy so that was the lyrics for that song...
i thinks its nice.

im so freaking tired.
i guess its just one of those days
where nothing's wrong,
but becuase nothing's really wrong;
it somehow makes everything wrong..yeahh
im sure ppl will nod their heads at this one.
just like one of those...

"same old nagging pain at
the back of the head..
it comes and goes,
and when it'll return nobody knows.."

but it always happens when you least expect it...
a mumbled word..
a simple gasture...
a random look..
a insignificant thought..
and when it hits,
just like snipers in the army..
its slogan is "one shot, one kill"
it aims to kill you..
and everytime...
it almost does.

im weird always having these thoughts.
im too emoish. HAH! =D!

im gonna sleep now.

i bought my bro two ties ytd.
their damn nice.
his getting comfirmed tml(:
(that was so random! (= )

and at the end of the day i find.
family are the only ones who'll be there throught out your lifetime.

quote for the day:

"i've found a paradox where by if i love until it hurts.

then there's no more hurt, but only more love.."

-mother theresa((:

p/s:hang in there buddy, you'll make it through.

i know how you must be feel and hows its eating at you. i wont say that time heals all wounds, but it helps numb the pain until your so used to it you hardly realize its there. but live happy. love like you've never been hurt.(:

okay vonn? =D!

2006-11-17T10:42:00.000+08:00

Goo Goo Dolls-Iris

goo goo dolls - iris.

"and you cant fight the tears that aint coming

or the moments of truth in your life.

when everything feels like the movies..

yeah, you'd bleed just to know your alive.."

so i think my parents subconsiciously hate me.
either that or they no longer see me of much significance.
yes, they love me. but because i cannot..sometimes will not.
conform to what they expect me to be..
thus, im jaded in their eyes..
they dont see my struggles with growing up.
nor my numerous insecurities.
either not knowing or choosing to turn a blind eye to everything.
i fought to be that daughter to themm..
but its tiring..between being me and being what they'd want..
im hanging in the balance.
trapped by my loyality to themm
and being fair to myself and who i am.
who i think. i am.
im so tired.
but i guesss we're all trying..
if the day should ever come we stop trying..
god forbid that they abandon us all.
nontheless the times that they show wramth..
those are enough to over ride all the nonscence..
sorta.
nothing in me is ever gonna be totally right..

"cause on the outside..im trying..

but inside..im dying.."

im gonna go bathe and head for school now!!!
hahah.

i doubt i'll be heading out tonight thenn..
i gotta clean my room its a major mess.
then try that being the key word..
try...to study a little bit..
or catching up is gonna be a terror..
tests next week i heard.
hmmms..wonder how i did on the GD one last week...

"this broken heart.."

omg..im feeling so-damn-random right now!
haha! i wonder if i'll eat dinner?
and i keep hearign sniplets of songs in my head!
so dont mind the lyrics(:
oh! you know...i got abs now!! yaynesss....
BUT six pack is tough..
my beer belly is almost all gone now..
but i still look fat..
i wonder why? maybe i should start jogging again.
yeahh..think i'll do thatt..hmmms.

okayyy!! really gotta go noww..=D!

why cant i ever be happy?

2006-11-16T01:06:00.000+08:00

i really should be sleeping seeing how i've got school tml.
i was damn damn hyper at work today...haha.
oh and i feel damn bad. broke mahes berkinstock slippers..
joe gave them to her cause he hardly wore themm...and
i broke it...what an ass right?
so i cabbed to bishan and got her a pair of similar ones...
fake though. but she refuses to let me buy her a pair of new ones.

ended work at 10pm today cause i started work at 5pm.
so i headed to chomp chomp and bought my grandma
satay beehoon cause she likes it and i promised her to.
then headed to her house by bus..omg i fell asleep in the bus
and totally nearly missed my stop! okayy actually...
thats impossible cause i stopped at the interchange..
but still..i nearly didnt get off and that wouldve been damn
malu..lols.
yeah so then i went there...chilled awhile..
then headed home.

did i mention that school is retarded.
i do nothing all day.

i learned a new way to blog my thoughts today.
its brillant.

" and my words are silence,

so silent are they that no one shall hear

so silent are they that even i cant hear them

so silent are they that they die before leaving my lips.

never making it far enough to emit sound,

never making it at all.

so they stay silent.

so they hurt

so they pain

so they kill."

2006-11-15T02:16:00.000+08:00

JD and Elliot

song for the night:
straightjacket feeling
-all american rejects.
(*note: ignore the video, just listen to the song(: )

just some pics of my fugly eye:

this was taken when it was screwd up..

this was when i covered it up.

and nows its all better...almost brand new!(:

try this on straightjacket feeling.

i just spent my night listlessly again.
i find that i end up turning to drowning myself into tv.(:
i had a c.s.i marathon..tgt with some other shows.((:
one of them being the O.C i freaking love that show..
but it makes me damn sad everytime i watch the show
all the drama that they go through..
then all break ups and heart breaks..
ohwells!

hmmms i got my pay. yayness!
but not that much la..only 500++
i need to go shopping..

"yesterday was hell

but today im fine without you

runaway this time without you

and all i ever thought you'd be

that face is tearing holes in me again.."

2006-11-14T02:04:00.000+08:00

Senses Fail - One Eight Seven

song for the night:
one eighty seven
-senses fail

im not feelng so good right now.
and i cant say why, no dont get me wrong..
its not that i dunno why im like that.
i do, but its just so damn tragic that i fear saying.
i've hidden too many things for too long.
it's like i took 10steps forward.
but then got pushed back again.
after all my hard work.

okayy i really havent any words to describe
how shitty im feeling..
oh well, there! "shitty".

okayy im going to stop now.

this is so fuckkkeddd up.

2006-11-11T01:50:00.000+08:00

there's no song for the night, tonight.
"black" by pearl jam and "run" by snow patrol
keeps playing in my head.
its funny how everytime i always have many things
to blog about..
but the moment i reach this page my mind goes blank.
does this mean i only enjoy myself
at the moment in time but not totally?
so shortlived joy..

anyhows i met up with lynn today..
hah. its always nice to meet up.(:
and my eye is swollen.
damn pain..
i think its one of those err...
"sye" (sp?) or however you spell it..
either that or i like ate smt wrong..

omg. working full again tml...
then i think i got bev's thingy to go to on sunday.
then mon im suppose to go visit her and ming
they starting work at ben and jerry's at rafflesplace.
then monday night im working again..
wed i think im working and problem is..
i forgot i promised the bballers i'd go out with them!
arghhh!
then..thursday gonna play tennis..
then friday going out with class ppl..VIVOCITY!
then sat fullshift.
yeahh.
hahah what a busy life!!
not forgetting projects.=/

my eye really hurts dunno how im gonna work tml..
better head to bed.

heard this somewhere today..

"when two friends get together, they think their meant for each other..

when a couple decides to be just friends, they want the other party to be by their side forever.."

something to ponder upon..
i say there's some truth in it..

goodbye, goodnight.

2006-11-09T18:38:00.000+08:00

Pearl Jam black

song for the moment:
black
pearl jam.

sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
were laid spread out before me as her body once did.
all five horizons revolved around her soul
as the earth to the sun
now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

and all i taught her was everything
i know she gave me all she wore
and now my bitter hand chafe beneath the clouds
of what was everything.
oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

i take a walk outside
im surrounded by some kids at play
i can feel their laughter, sowhy do i sear?
oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
im spinning, oh, im spinning
how quick the sun can drop away

and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
of what was everything?
all the pictures have been washed in black, tattooed everything...

all the love gone bad turned my world black
tattooed all i see, all that i am, all i'll be...

"i know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
i know you'll be the sun in somebody else's sky, but why
why, why cant it be, why cant it be mine."

okayy! im uber addicted to this song right now.
loving every bit of it! including the last phrase.
i kinda "" it. yeahh. i gotta rush to go take a shower now and head out to meet the ex-ijbballers05'
we're having a small gathering. gosh havent met up with these girls in yrs la! ohwells. i better head out now. im already uber late as it is!

more posts to come after newton-ing! =D!

2006-11-09T01:46:00.000+08:00

Oasis - Stop Crying Your Heart Out

song for the night:
stop crying your heart out
oasis.

as i casually look around my room
i find remains of a distant past lingering.
i fear the solitude it brings
that harsh reminder of yesteryear.
and how we'd laugh and sing of many careless things.
we've left those simple joys behind
for things that sooth the mind
but leave our hearts hollow and alone.
finding comfort in the temporary
and joy in our shortlived laughter.

as i look around my room.
reminice of you, me and our ghostly past haunt me.
it never leaves, it taunts me endlessly.
sometimes choosing to remain silent
for day, weeks, maybe even a month or two.
but then rising again viciously when im least prepared.
i've survived the pain, that heartwrenching anguish
that comes with being torn between wanting to be there..
but be gone all the same.
to leave..but also stay.
the anguish in knowing what i know,
and yet be a slave to my emotions.
being kept a prisoner in my own heart,
chained to your memory.

but i know i'll keep surviving.
why? because that's what is expected.
the world doesnt have room for heartache.
it continues to revolve..stopping for no one.
it could very well be the end of the world for you..
maybe me..
but the world hardly notices.
and so, i shall too.
finding that long sort after solace and peace
in blissfully faking ignorance.
yes, cowardly.
but, it works.

i've been sick, thats a uber yucky feeling. =/
stayed home again today..
and i've gotta work tml.
lets just hope my mom doesnt kick up a fuss.
hmms i guess i finished my html homework,
or at least most of it. i dont get the lab4 part.
so i'll havta ask around tml.
i gotta remind germine to bring the cd with the
GD programme tml..
so i can study for friday's test.
sighs. i cant. wont fail.
*yawns*
im uber sleepy.

msg for gina:
" i love you, and i'll always be here even though i may seem so far away. i hope you know our friendship goes way beyond any words in my vocab so excuse my not being able to explain it here, i just hope you feel my sincerity coming my heart and know im always going to be here for you my dear. i have faith in you, and no i dont mean to pressure you any further. give your all, that way no one can say anything. i'll beat them up if they do. your a strong girl, but you dont have to carry all the weight on your own, even god had some help carrying the cross, his helping you, i will too..if you let me. much love, hugs and kisses. (:"

"cause all of the stars have faded away

just try not to worry you'll see em' someday

just take what you need and be on your way

and stop crying your heart out.."

2006-11-07T21:38:00.000+08:00

Snow Patrol - Run music video

song of the night:
run
by snow patrol.

this song has been stuck in my head for the past day.
i spent my whole day today just sleeping. im sick.
i think its partly withdrawl symptoms.
but also lack of rest on my part.
im screwing myself and my life up.
ohwells.

lynn is the sweetest thing she bought me porriage
and from crystal jade somemore.
im sleepy.
meds are making me so drowsy.

funny. imagine being sick and sleepi g the whole day
with this song just playing in your head.
i wonder why.

okayy dad made me chicken soup.
im gonna go drink now.(:

light up, light up
as if you have a choice..

i cant hardly speak i understand.
why you cant raise your voice to say..

2006-11-03T00:54:00.000+08:00

The All-American Rejects: It Ends Tonight

song for the night:
it ends tonight.
all american rejects.

your suddleties..they strangle me.

so im sitting at my com and eating/drinking taohui? (sp?)
yeh know that err...sweet white thingy..
yeahh i had TWO! omg gonna grow so damn fat.
im in a rediculously awesome mood today! *beams!=D!
i had a good day at school, followed by a good evening..
i suppose its gotta do with going to church twice after
missing a few times lately..
i love meeting up with family..
i love my grandma! i wanna make lotsa money for her!
and give her what she wants!
but duh i cant la..
i can just try to work harder for her.
i mean its the least i could do for a woman who brought me up!

massed at SFX with miss lydia tan just now.
then headed to IHM for mass with family..
visited kong kong...havent in awhile..nice to talk to him.
too bad he cant talk to me anymore..
or tell me to eat more. or whatever la..
i miss him sometimes..
then had dinner with mom, dad and ver.
btw i have bet with lydia..
we're gonna see who can get back our six packs first.
loser gotta buy the winner something
that the winner gets to choose.
but im at a disadvntage la...i drink..
and she's in jc la! with cca and all!
and shes got four already!
jia you mitch!!!

to all having chinese A levels tml-
GOOOODDDD LUCK! (:

im tired. i really am..

cant find a cure for this cancer..

2006-11-02T02:54:00.000+08:00

Cute without the e- Taking back sunday

your lipstick, his collar..
don't bother Angel
i know exactly what goes on

when everything you'll get is
everything that you've wanted, princess
(well which would you prefer)
my finger on the trigger, or
(me face down, down across your floor)
me face down, down across your floor
(me face down, down across your floor)
well just so long as this thing's loaded

and will you tell all your friends
you've got your gun to my head
this all was only wishful thinkin,
this all was only wishful thinkin
and will you tell all your friends
you've got your gun to my head
this all was only wishful thinkin,
this all was only wishful thinkin
let's go...

don't bother trying to explain Angel
i know exactly what goes on when
you're on and
how about I'm outside of your window
(how about I'm outside of your window)
watchin him keep the details covered
you're such a sucker
(you're such a sucker)
for a sweet talker, yeah

and will you tell all your friends
you've got your gun to my head
this all was only wishful thinkin,
this all was only wishful thinkin
(the only thing that I regret is that I, I
never let you hold me back)
and will you tell all your friends
you've got your gun to my head
this all was only wishful thinkin,
this all was only wishful thinkin

hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
a thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
i will never ask if you don't ever tell me
i know you well enough to know you never loved me
hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
a thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
i will never ask if you don't ever tell me
i know you well enough to know you never loved me
hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
a thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
i will never ask if you don't ever tell me
i know you well enough to know...

why can't I feel anything
from anyone other than you?
why can't I feel anything
from anyone other than you?

and all of this was all your fault
and all of this

(i stay jealous)
i stay wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
i just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life
(she'll destroy us all before she's through
and find a way to blame somebody else)
i stay wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
i just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life
(she'll destroy us all before she's through
and find a way to blame somebody else)
i stay wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
i just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life.

2006-11-02T02:18:00.000+08:00

28 and counting..
-song for the night:
broken vow
josh groban.

stumbled across this song while on my way to work today..
i havent listened to it in awhile..his got this amazing
haunting voice..
seems everytime i listen to this song
i ended up playing it overandoverandover..non-stop.
its that good.
the last time i came across it..
i thought it fit me pretty well..
but this time around there's no mistaking
the goosebumps among the other feelings
that come with listening to this song.

so i had work again today..
rarrs.
its was pretty cool though.
cause it was raining..and like we
had few customers..
i love the smell of rain..
haha! that was so random.(:

i got html work to do but my brain
just refuses to work..its tired.
i nearly cried today.

i think im gonna sleep now then wake up
and do the html work tml morning..
seeing how first lesson doesnt start
until 12noon. YAYNESS. *beams!

when we live such fragile lives..
i wish you happiness. whatever the cost.

2006-11-01T01:41:00.000+08:00

i laughed the loudest, who'd have known.
-song of the night:
heartbreak for six seasons.
by daphne loves derby.

i cant shake this feeling..
it numbs...then comes..and goes..
pretty annoying.
frustrating to be honest..
the kinda frustration that makes you wanna cry.
and having to sit on it.
shut up and smile..
pretending to be okayy..
thats driving me a blink from insanity.
but i chose this.
so mitch, shut up and smile.

it sucks so much to not be able to say anything.

why do we love so much it hurts?

2006-10-30T23:57:00.000+08:00

i set myself up for the greatest fall of all time.

i think i've finally settled down.
calmed down at the very least.
or maybe im kidding myself.
my mind may just have gone into hibernation..
or its just shocked and numb.
either ways its good im feeling rather calm now.

i had a hair cut today..
and boy..hmmm. what to say about it.
well, im feeling better..
like i always said,
everytime im sad and cant deal.
i cut my hair. it just in some weird way
helps me feel better..
almost like im cutting off all the burdens
and weight that im carrying.
starting over..i mean,
if i cant do that in real life..
the least i could do is pretend..
and make myself feel better
even if its only in the mind.
it helps the soul...

well, like i said at least im feeling better..
but the thing is, its too short!!
it looks like i shaved the sides!!!
which....is sorta what the aunty did..
but like she said she was only cutting of the
parts that were sticking out.
now my hair is uber short and i dunno
how im gonna hide from my parents..
their asleep right now cause i just got back form work.
and they'll be at work before i wake up tml.
sighs.

i think im gonna go bathe now.

i gotta find a way,
to find a better day.

2006-10-30T00:56:00.000+08:00

just do this for me.
be my friend who knows im rotting and dying inside.
BUT still fighting the good fight.
help me by not trying to change my mind.
just lending me your support.

sometimes..
all we need is someone to believe in us..
then, we might succeed.

-do this for me mich. i promise i'll be fine.

thank you.

2006-10-29T02:25:00.000+08:00

now im falling asleep.

now their going to bed
and my stomach is sick
and its all in my head
but she's touching his chest now

he takes off her dress now
let me go
i just cant look its killing me
its taking control

turning saints into the sea
turning through sick lullaby
joking on your alibi
But it's just the price i pay
destiny is calling me
open up my eager eyes
I'm Mr. Brightside

//smile like you mean it.

2006-10-28T03:20:00.000+08:00

i've always been emotionally independent.

i will make it through to see tomorrow morning.

and somehow;
i'll find the will to live.

not for me.
but for the ones i love.

2006-10-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

// granted im speechless.

my tears keep falling.
and no i tried looking at your pictures.
and it just makes me cry even more.
i dunno if i wish i didnt know.
or am happy i found out.

okayy, i shouldnt be jumping to conclusions.
i have no real evidence.
and im frightened to find any.
but they have no reason to lie.
i need an outlet.
i need someone to cry to.
i need to break something
or i'll break myself.
help me please.

i ran from my room and showered.
i felt so damn numb.
so fucking numb.
i blasted the water turning it on hotter and hotter..
just to test if my body was really numb..
i felt myself trembling..
and knew those tears would soon follow.
i stood below the shower head for hours.
just praying i'd wake up.
but i didnt. i couldnt.
omg.

i keep reading and re-reading the convo.
i keep hoping i had missed out on a certain part.
the part that'll tell me it was a joke.
but i cant find it.

why.

2006-10-27T18:13:00.000+08:00

//hey lush, have fun. its the weekend.

when all we need is a reaction,
its too much to ask for when there's no attraction anymore,
chasing our dreams is just a distraction
i want to remember what i know...
that i cant go back.

see the months they dont matter
its the days i cant take
when the hours move to minutes
and im seconds away

just ask the question come untie the knot
retract the steps as if we forgot,
you try to avoid it, but there's not a doubt
and there's one thing i can do nothing about..

2006-10-27T03:40:00.000+08:00

i wanna change my blog layout.
i wanna change my email.
i wanna change my hair.
i wanna change my hair colour.
i wanna change my perspective on life.
i wanna change your's.
i wanna change your mind.
i wanna change mine.
i wanna change society's views and discrimations.
i wanna change my body.
i wanna change lotsa things..

i realized how utterly sad/emo
i sound in almost every entry of mine.
oh trust me.
im well aware of that fact..
but in someways..
thats just how us humans are.
we're never contented with what we have.
never..happy.
but we all lost sight alone the way..
"life's a process that leads to a destination.."

i often seek comfort and solace in the crowds.
but often disappear and get lost in them.
im struggling with daily affairs.
money. school. work. play.
where to draw those lines?
they smudge and fuse till the borders are lost
and confused together..

i missed lessons again today.
i just couldnt get up and outta bed.
sometimes i feel as if im more of a parttime student.
but fulltime worker.
i want so much to lighten those burdens you have no idea.
to help carry the load. but mine are still left untouched.
i want so many things.
and yet they just accumulate and are left
in my ever growing "wishfulthinking" box
that i keep revisiting every now and then..
knowing fully well those are probably the closest
i'd come to ever processing any of them.
shirts. pants. jeans. shoes. etc..
the meterial wants..
along with those of a different nature..
my wishes and dreams..
all sitting in that box uselessly.
like a lone fireman facing a fire without his hose..
alone..

im feeling kinda lonely tonight.
and i cant believe i just said that out loud. hah!

so friday there's coco..
and saturday there's zouk..
both holloween parties.
should i go? both? neither? or one..
still contemplating. hmms.
mostly likely i'll go for the zouk one..
thats if i choose to go at all.

i.need.to.make.more.money.

adult world here i come! =D!

"girl you make it hard to be faithful.."

2006-10-24T17:10:00.000+08:00

cause you cant jump the track,

we're like cars on a cable

and life's like an hour glass,

glued to the table.

no one can find the rewind button, girl.

so cradle your head in your hands

and breathe...just breathe,

oh breathe...just breathe.

there's a light at each end of this tunnel,

you shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out

and these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again

if you only try turning around.

2006-10-24T02:00:00.000+08:00

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it.

Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion.
Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare.
Impossible is potential.
Impossible is temporary

Impossible; is nothing.

-------------------------------------------------------

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
your playing small does not serve the world.
there is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people wont feel insecure around you.
we were all meant to shine as children do.
it's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
and as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission
to do the same.
as we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

---------------------------------------------------------

i found these two quotes recently,
and they just made me wanna share it with everyone.
okayy.
well not everyone per say.
just everyone who knows/reads my blog.

im pretty drained lately.
its so hard trying to keep up with friends..
my love ones..ppl i care for..
there are just too many!
it seems like im holding so hard to
relationships that were forged long ago.
relationships that those others who were apart of,
long gave up on..well,
if they dont treasure it, then why the heck should i?
im tired of being made use of,
coming to me only when something is needed,
be it tanglible or not.
sometimes cause their lonely..
sometimes their just bored..
sometimes there's no one else..
and knowing that doesnt feel good.
i feel like that skinnny, weak kid
who always got picked last to play
because i was geeky and useless.
not a good idea unless all other options are out.
and that sucks.
maybe some part of me is afraid to face those demons.
the ones the are in my head.
cause when im alone;
there's no one to help battle them with me.
and that lets those demons surface..
they swim and do the chacha in my head
until im an inch away from going crazy.
old habits die hard.
i dont want any scars on my arms.
it was dumb.and i really worked so hard to get here.
im just afraid of being alone with my thoughts.

then there are the times with they need help.
and god damn it! i know. trust me.
im not as dumb/ignorant as i seem.
i just let things slide by acting like im none the wiser
so as not to make things weird or bad between us.
but it shows doesnt it?
that at the end of the day,
you know who'd be there for you in a heart beat.
and knowing i'd never abandon you;
i've become the disposable..
the ever obedient forgranted one.
its so sad.
from now on..
though i fear it, i'll not bother.
if you want to contact me fine.
but if not. if this is how we end.
then sure..its sad.
tragic. horrible. terrible.
but i'll live.
i've learned to deal with ppl i love and care about leaving.
its no longer a big deal.
i've got wounds an scars you'd all never see.
ever.
believe not in what you see on the surface.
for it may jolly well be a cleverly disguisd illusion.

goodnight.

2006-10-16T23:57:00.000+08:00

if i could pick a star everytime i had one of my "what if" thoughts;
then, i could light up an entire galaxy for you.

2006-10-16T00:46:00.000+08:00

i realized im getting lazier and lazier to type out entries.
and by the time i get around to doing them,
i've already partially forgotten them. lols.
raars. darius left for auzzie again today.
oh and we celebrated his birthday on friday.
oh and i went out with this girl i dunno.
no, omg. for the last time, it was NOT a date!
anyhows..i brought mich along to save guard me..lols.
headed to DXO.
met up with her two other friends there.
then chilled with them awhile..
then later left, and picked up felicia.
then headed down to bali house for darius bday.
by the time i got there, it was around...
11plus almost 12midnight.
and most of them were already pretty high and drunk.
it was funny but also extremely fucked up.
fights nearly issued. but never mind.
it was all cool in the end..

sat i had some games thingy to go down for.
ended up there werent any other girls teams
to compete with us.
so we played captian's ball for the NYP team.
help clinch the first for girls.
NYP won over all champs.
i got sun burned again, so now im black. =/
played till pretty late about 5plus.
dinner with new friends.

sunday, woke up at 6am to head down to work.
was dead tired.
suppose to end at 3pm.
but connie was tired and sick so..
i covered the last hour for her..until 4pm
i mean what's one more hour right?
yeahh. then chilled with connie and her friend ivy
while waiting for vonn to end work at 5pm..
chilled at coffee bean for a while more..
then headed back to gramps for dinner..
fell asleep in the bus..nice stranger woke me up. haha :)

school begins for me tml.
gosh. back to waking up early..oh mann..
bummer.
so fast and im in sem two.
in 17weeks..thats about...
4mths and a week..
then plus about a mth and half hols.
so altogether 5 to 6mths..
i'll be in yr two!
omg! three years is actually really fast.
i hope i dont fail any modules.

hmmms im growning a beer belly..haha.
oh mann i gotta do something about it. =/

im really really scared.
i hope. pray. beg.
that what i fear wont come true..

2006-10-12T23:45:00.000+08:00

wow. i didnt realize how emo i sounded last night. but i guess its only during my partial drunk nights where my true emotions show their face. i somehow regret posting what i did. but actually, when i finished typing that entry i was already sober. and i acutally paused to consider posting it or not. i dunno why i did la. hahaha.

ohwells. i spent my day watching some korean drama. wahh damn long. then i had to go to gthe doctors to inject some stuff into my ear. cause there was this lump that was getting bigger and bigger. and in the end it wasnt dangerous la..he said its something like cancer inthe sense its also gotta deal with excessive spreading of cells. but its not infectious. and not letal. so im not gonna die. he injected into the lump and said that it'll hurt. and i guess there is some aching going on in that general area.

im bored. ohwells. got some matches on saturday. i hope i play well..hmmms. i got nothing else to say right now. so i'll just keep quiet.

2006-10-12T02:30:00.000+08:00

omg this is so interesting. as im sitting here and typing my post. its actually 1.11am. cool stuff. anyhows. looks like i just finished another drinking session with my cousin ver and darius. which no doubt. doesnt end off well. i just ate a granola bar..which is usually one for my favourite things to snack on when im hungry. but it seems to taste like cardboard. say i its the beer. what say you?

its amazing how im able to sit up straight and type this entry out. even pointing out the spelling errors. but i admit i am high. im dizzy. anyhows.

i was surfing through friendster profiles. yes i've no life. but yeahh. i realised what i left behind and how much i regret no taking myself seriously. not taking my future striously. im not on some random emo trip now. and i do think that im doing finee. but its just that sometimes i think, i couldve done better and that annoys me. but i guess, there's no sense in looking to the past sighing in regrets. we all made choices. some were good others bad. but we gotta live with them. regreting mistakes wont bring the past to life.

sometimes i wished i had more guts. others, i just wished i'd taken whatever talent i had and nurtured it. be it drawing. or netball, basketball. whatever you know. just taking it and running with it. but hey thats how life works we can understand life backwards. but not live it that way. its just how things were made.

i havent posted in awhile cause i dont wanna post random stupid, well maybe not stupid stuff, but just day to day affairs. if i post i hope there's essence in my words no not to make ppl emo or to let them know i am. but just to reach out to them and make them feel or as the very least, understand. sometimes all we need is a fimilar face or someone to say i get what you mean, where you're coming from. that'll make us feel better that there are many ppl who go through what we do.

i'd admit it, im no coward i faced my fears and let go of something important in my life. and now im facing the conquences of losing that. but its okayy really. i dealt with my fear of letting go. and it was probably a mistake on my part. but i may have did that girl a favour. some might not think so, but thats just a different point of view. it doesnt matter. at the end of the day i meant well. i know i am probably a little high and emo so emotions and feelings that dont suface normally; are now. but sometimes. i admit i miss you. its only normal and im hoping to find another like you. but then i know you're the only you. and the only one i'll like that much.
i know telling myself thar doesnt help me. but..ohwells!

they say you dont love someone till your willing to give your life.
or give their life back to them. love someone with all your heart.
so much that your willing to let them go. saving them from you.
saving her from this lifestyle.
its not right, nor is it the way to go.
i'll wanna meet you one day on the street
with your five year old in one hand...
and your one year old in your husband's arms.
and i hope i'll be smiling. but even if i cry,
i still mean these words from the bottom of my heart i do.
i've never really been in a real relationship.
and i've never had someone to call my own.
but if i did, i'd say i'd like it to be you.
your the closest i've come to a true love story.
and im betting my last dollar you were it.
but but all i need now is to be your friend.
you never have to worry that im having designs on you
or trying to get you back.
dont be afraid to be my friend.
cause i want to be just that.
thats all. i swear.
i wont lie, having you would mean the world.
but being there for you would be paramount.
like you once said i'd be your bride's maid.
yes i'd adorn that dress even with frills and such.
on your wedding day. tears would rolling in seeing you
wed to someone. but all the same girl..
my smile would shine through the tears in knowing your happy.
its been awhile since i let myself feel the pain
the thought of you brings. a long while.
and i hope you know im doing okayy.
and more then ready to be your friend.
a 100% friend ready to hear your sob stories
about boys or new found love. and i'd smile and nod.
not acting. hurting. but genuinely smiling for your happiness.
i swore you'd be the last girl
and it seems i dont have to keep that promise.
cause without me or you trying...
your already stopping me from finding someone else i could love.
and you cant say i havent tried.

its been about 8mths since i left.
and i know it wasnt right. i just didnt know back then.
i though i was doing you a favour.
and to be honest up till now im not sure if it was a mistake,
or the right thing.
i just know i did what i did.
i'd do it again. i think.
im not your cup of tea now.
if you could only see me.
drinking. boozing. last nights. random faces.
work. school.

i fill myself so packed that i dont have time to breathe.
and when i do. thats when i feel alone.
and i dont like the feeling.
we both have too much pride.
or maybe just me. i'd just not look you up.
and you just dont bother.
or are busy. either ways.
seeing us the way we are makes me unable to comprehand
and connect how we could be the same two ppl from the past.
its been about coming four months since i last felt this bad.
and i wonder how many more it'll take before im free.

Well youre the closest thing I have
To bring up in a conversation
About a love that didnt last
But I could never call you mine
Cause I could never call myself yours
And if we were really meant to be
Well then we justify destiny
Its not that our love died
Just never really bloomed

Well I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.

And then we saw our paths diverge
And I guess I felt OK about it.
Until you got with another man,
And then I couldnt understand
Why it bothered me so.
How we didnt die we just
Never had a chance to grow.

I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past.
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.

And it might not make much sense
To you or any of my friends
Though somehow still you affect the
Things I do.
And you cant lose what you never had
I dont understand why I feel sad
Every time I see you out with someone new.

I cant let go
No, I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you.

I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.

I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past

2006-10-07T14:52:00.000+08:00

16 Year Old Boys Playing Basketball - video powered by Metacafe

this is a freaking cool video.
and thats me five months from now.
train. train. train.
im lying.

2006-10-06T01:25:00.000+08:00

OMG. im so damn fucking pissed right now its amazing.
fuck it.
my cousin is freaking pissing me off.
im not running their relationship for them la fuck.
im just helping them cause they asked for help.
besides im just being a runner and getting things on their behalf.
so whatever the hell makes you happy la jie.

im actually shitassed pissed cause my phone.
my fucking important phone. -just died on me.
actually it didnt die. just that the key pad is not working.
and no i dunno whats the problem.
i got numbers, messages and pictures in there.
thats fucking annoying la.
how now?
=/

2006-10-05T13:57:00.000+08:00

from gina's 18th. more pics from her blog.

i dunno how people find so much words to type.
i think we already spend too much time talking.
we should listen more.
so guys cry your hearts out.
my ears are on loan anytime.
i never want to not be there for anyone of you.

working later.
im gonna sleeep.
nights.

p/s: im having a great life.

2006-09-30T01:17:00.000+08:00

ive come a long wayy.
and im proud of myself.
i did good. not great.
but at the very least; good.

//she's beautiful, but she dont mean a thing to me.

2006-09-28T02:15:00.000+08:00

okayy so here's the update on my past few days..
i've been so busy and had to many things going on since i last posted.
but yet their not very different from each other.

my weekend was a blur.
i know i did many things.
but i jsut cant remember what.
one aint so different from the other.
so this week saw me at east coast, bishan and sentosa.
busybusybusy me.

i cant remember what i did on monday..
oh yes! i went back to sec school to ball with my juniors.
bathed and changed. found out im suppose to work but no one called.
rush down and worked. was pretty cool la..
mick screwed up the planning and put me, vonn and connie
to work tgt. but i think we did pretty well la.
jon lost singapore idol. im not watching next season.
its all bull i swear.
so i had to drink disgusting stuff cause i lost the bet.
nvm.

tuesday i only meant to give them a wake up call.
they planned to head to east coast to blade/cycle.
ended up getting dragged there.
i went to blade when i dunno how to.
must say i did better then i expected.
fell ONLY five or six times.
BUT. damn pain la my back..*ouch.
so i was brusied and battered..
then came home.
slept awhile, was forced to go bishan.
balled in the dark. 8 ppl. 20cans of beer.
its bad..im drinking too much. too often.
i dont like it.
had wrestling matches with celest
who was teething and bit me five times.
many brusies and bite marks..
then came home late..slept late.

woke up today at 8.17am.
i looked at the clock, i remembered.

headed down sentosa by cab with darius and ver.
only we three. with-
three packets of wonton mee. (to eat)
three packets of milo iced. (to drink)
a huge ice box filled with ice and one carton of beer.(24 cans)
bags of chips and drinks.
our bags.
a soccer ball.
WOAH.
crossed the bridge and nearly died
cause we had to carry so much so far.
reached earliest and it started to rain a typhoon i tell you.
i came up with a dumb idea of removing our shirts
and standing under the pouring rain,
with the howling winds..
and freeze our asses off.
they got into their heads we should each have a can first.
no funny i tell you. damn cold.
the idea was to see who could stand it longest.
we all did well.
we lasted.
the rest came after the rain subsided.
celest. caryn. lestor. alex. cone. deborah.
9people. 24 cans.
mud ball fights were awesome.
sun came out. i got burned.
lestor kicked the damn soccer ball
into the top canopy of a tree..
the tree was small about five metres.
the guys were too big to climb so i offered.
it was sharp and painful to climb.
got splinters and cuts.
but the ball was saved.
stupid weird insects in the water bit us so many times.
i actually got a look at one of them while it bit me.
its tranlucent. has black eyes.
is really tiny. bites with its pincers.
so now im even more brusied and aching then ytd.
balling with vonn tml. omg.
im really tired.
ohwells!
goodnight. =D!

2006-09-23T21:48:00.000+08:00

i got pictures from celest's 18th,
fresh off the press..awesome stuff.
thats the night i puked.
but the day was major fun.
it wasnt long, but it was all i needed.
their my happy pill for all seasons. =)

though we dont meet up often like other besties.
when we do, there's no awkardness.
just fun and laughter..
we enjoy each other's company. =)
i love guys. =D!

celest so rudeee! FOURS PICTURES.
and you're still on the phone! =/

i dunno why, but i wasnt even near her cheeks..
somehow the camera angle was jussstt..right! =)

i REALLY like this picture. =))

see! told you.. rude child..
but it was your birthday, so you're forgiven.

i like spending time those three. =)

my happy pills. =)))

*shouts* BUNNY EARS!

*SHOUTS AGAIN* BUNNNYYYYY EEAAARRRSS!

cookiecookiecookie!

i swear i wasnt emoing, just wasnt looking and
*snap* went the camera.

2006-09-22T03:28:00.000+08:00

so im back from gina's party.
at first her touche' bf nearly started a fight.
i never really like him, and i still dont.
but then i know he likes gina alot la.
just hope he makes her laugh more then cry.

so like i told myself i'd sleep early tonight.
but looks like its not gonna happen. sighs.
was looking at pics yesterday night.
i havent in like two mths..
and its not that im not over it.
just that i find it sad we couldnt remain friends.
cause i know you an awesome person i didnt want to lose.
but hey, shit happens. im over wanting anything from you.
so like i found it so surreal..it was like..
i was looking at pictures of strangers...
it didnt feel like it was us in those pictures..
i almost asked myself why
i had so many pics of other ppl in my com.
strange...very strange.
ohwells.

oh i got my results today.
omg mann..
okayy so i didnt fail ANY mordules.
phew.
im uber surprised..
but i didnt do well la duh.
my GPA is only what? 1.617??
and if im even thinking of uni..
esp if its singapore uni..
i gotta average about GPA of 3.2
by the end of my last semester..
how mann.. major bummed out. =/
but i figured if i studied hard can la..
sighs..
surprisingly..
unlike sec sch my best grade came from math.
in sec sch those were my worst..lols.
i got one B and another B+ for both math mordules.
one C for dunno what..
and the rest Ds. =/

okayy enough depressing stuff..
gonna head to bed now. =)

2006-09-21T02:58:00.000+08:00

dont wanna cry no more.
wanna find something to believe in.
something to find faith in.
im tired. really really am.
someone should save me from my endless torment.

//like the deserts miss the rain...

2006-09-21T00:48:00.000+08:00

just a lil note to annon.
- hello there, i dunno who you are and that annoys me. hmms. im okayy with ppl i dunno reading this crap just that i'd rather have a name. so leave a name. and what pics?

anyhows. i attempted to go tanning with vonn, jo and mabel today. it failing cause the sun only emarged after we'd given up and left. sad case...so chilled at jo's house waiting for her to bath..
vonn and me fell asleep watching cartoon network. mabel went home to bath. met up again headed to town for lunch and shopping. mabel and jo made me and vonn dress up in topSHOP. not topMAN clothing..damn disgusting...yuck! then headed to gramps for dinner.

tried to find a wig for gina's bday but couldnt. dang!
and i think gina's boyfriend's a dick. TREAT HER BETTER YOU ASSHOLE!.

okayy gina's bbq tml..hopefully all goes well. hope there's not going to be trouble.
im depleting my cash too fast this is damn bad. omgomgomg. i gotta stop this habit!
bought two tshirts today too small. told you right vonn. one TAKING BACK SUNDAY.
and one FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND. yeahh shall go back tml and get it changed.

rarrs.

pls just get the hell outta my head.
your messing with my mind even though your not ard.
and girl i might be crazy.
but im over being crazy over you.
and girl i might i love you always.
but its not the same as loving you like i did.
your not you anymore
and im not me anymore.
so lets never cross paths
cause i couldnt bare the sight of your face.
not having the touch of your embrace.
and im not making much sense right now.
but i dont give two shits..
and if you were to wake up one morning alone.
you know the number to call.
yeah..dont forget the number to call..
i know you wont, yeah i know it.
and you wont. no you wont..call.
and i know..that im lonely.
but i wont.
no i wont. give in..to temptations..
of you..
so dont. just dont.
dont appear.

2006-09-19T16:50:00.000+08:00

hi all, woke up today and felt like shit.
sheila and mel are at my house right now.
watching "the lords of dog town"
cool shit i tell you.

so like i just heard of another couple breaking up.
one that was really sweet the last i remembered.
tragic how one party can turn so cold. so fast. sad really.
ohwells.

i think i did something stupid last night.
but i cant undo what i did so i'll just havta not think about it.
ohwells.

okayy bye.

2006-09-19T00:24:00.000+08:00

fuck. im drunk.
this stinks..i puked twice.
thats really just unwanted information.

okayy celest's bday today..
the FOUR met up. yayaness.
then later drinking.
race to finish a barrel.
we lost. but i drank shit alot.
one mug after another.
okayy im shit tired now
going to sleep.
head hurts.
i dont want moring to come.

i think i just did something stupid.
but nvm. goodnight all.

2006-09-16T02:27:00.000+08:00

omg.
whats the point really?
just tell me whats the point
and i'll give you me.

its another day wasted.
another boring mundane day.
it was rather fun.
okayy now i just sound like im either lying..
or contridicting myself.

rarrrs. whateverrr...

went out with vonn, jo and gen today.
jo got her tongue pierced. i wanna too!
so later vonn and jo headed to work..
while gen and i wondered the streets of orchard.
i met so many ppl today its funny.
caught the movie "frostbite"
omg, its freaking dumb.
with an ending of no substance whatsoever..
then came out and ran into mabel while in the toilet.
headed to long john's to seee...
bev,nor,mabel,eunice,some guy,some girl..bleahbleahbleah.
then walked gen to meet her dudee.
walked back..met bev and all again..
sent bev and eunice home by cab..
went to meet my cousin,celest,caryn,lester and all..
chilled awhile..then came home..
oh! and we ran into cartel mabel too..
she was with her superdupercute niece.

okayy so alot happened.
so many faces.
i wanna cut my hair.
haha that was so random! =)
i wanna do something outragous.
something unexpected. something i wouldnt.
something shocking. i wanna break the routined.

the weirdest dream came to me last night.
and for once in manymanymany months,
i remembered the content like how
i always do in dreams of the same kind/content.
its been so long..suddenly outta the blue.
but i've heard that dreams are the exact opposite of reality.
i suppose thats why we call them dreams..
and our dreams mostly consist of our deepest wants..
which more often then not are things we couldnt have in reality..
thats probably why their called dreams..
dreams are meant for sleeping..

speaking of sleeping i really need to head to bed
im working tml..and its going to be another long one for me.
bro's birthday dinner after work. then rush for my rockstar cousin's gig.
mann its a jam packed lifestyle. but im loving every minute!
its times like these that more is better then less.
and friends and family mean the world.
their the only reason im still alive.

"when life gives you lemons; make lemon juice!"

=D

2006-09-15T04:31:00.000+08:00

that was my slient scream for help.
the first signs of helplessness commenced tonight.

//goodbye for now. =D!

2006-09-15T02:24:00.000+08:00

Things don't stop and the others announced they're moving on
Salt & tears in the minds in the mouths of a bad decision
Too late for another mistake it's bringing me down..

-all in all by lifehouse.

2006-09-15T02:13:00.000+08:00

tuned in - gravity by vienna teng..

okayy so i started the day off on a rough patch,
i stayed over at gramps cause ver was wokring till dusk..
accompanied my sick gramps..
assumed that since kai2 asked me for my shift..
i figured i wouldnt have to wake up early;
thus, i slept at ONLY 5am.
got a call from mick at 10am.

"mitch where you? you wokring today at 10am know?"

im like still woozy fom sleep..

"huh, kia2 say he wanna take my shift what.."

then mick tells me that he didnt inform any DMs..
therefore technically its my fault..
cause my name was still on the list.
so anyhows..checked my phone nd realsied he msged me.
but he shouldve called.
so i rushed home..then rushed to work..
was a little pissy at first but got over it...
it takes alot of energy to stay anger at someone...
and i havent enough..

okayy then headed home.
was too tired to go to gramp house for dinner..
so i just took a bath and went to sleep..
mom keeps scolding me about my eating habits..
and the fact that i dont eat my meals...
and when i do eat, its at the wrong times..
OHWELLS!

tml im heading to twon with vonn, jolene and gen.
jolene is gonna pierce her tongue..
im suppose to as well..
but the problem is that im answerable to my folks..
shes 22 and pretty much free to do what she pleases..
dang! the unfairness of it all...
hah..nvm my turn will come..
anyhows im still considering doing it..
i figured it'll just end up like my lip piercing..
nag..nag..nag...
then realise im not going to remove it...
and give up.. =D

rarrrsss...im shit bored..
seriously thinking of meeting my cousin and chill...
shes damn bored too...
hols so far have been a draggg.....
total bore mann.

okayy i dunno what to say already. =D!

2006-09-13T21:21:00.000+08:00

"such a frightening thing is the human;
a mass of gauges and dials and registers,
and we can read only a few,
and perhaps not accurately.."

my hands have been shaking all day long.
and i havent the slightest clue as to why.
i feel throughly exhausted. from inside out.
it seems that everybody wants something from me.
and im not so sure i have anything else left to give.
it seems my goal in life is to please people..
and my greatest fear; to see disappointment in their eyes.
spcifically, disappointment in me.
when im stratched so thin. so worn out.
i fear the day when i havent everything left to give anyone.
wouldnt it then be disappointing everyone all at once.
will i be able to stand it then.

there was once a story of a man..
he was pretty dumb. in the sense,
he didnt know when to stop giving.
he was a traveller..he walked into this evil woods.
he saw many characters along the way..
and he pitied everyone of them.
giving away his heart, his eyes..etc.
he gave and gave until by the end of the story
there was no man left because he had given eveything.
so he disappeared......
i dunno the point of my story..
rather i lost the point along the wayy.

im not sad or emo or whatever you call it.
im lonely? i sometimes find myself standing in a crowd
im laughing and smiling. but its on "auto" pilot.
im not saying im not enjoying myself..
but i dunno. something just isnt right.
i sincerely dont know what it is thats wrong.
or maybe im too tired. im worn out.
everything has a life span
what happens when mine ends?
i realised that im trying very hard
to live up to the expectations of everyone around me.
i was told today by someone that
" im a complex person, trying to live a simple life.."
how ironic is that? hha.

im sincerely tired of talking.
we all talk to much..
and in the course of talking
our words lose their meaning.
i honestly envy those song writers.
where do they find the words to express how they feel.
gosh. i'd die to have that.
but sometimes..we dont need words.
we crave so much to hear the words we want
because we're insecure about ourselves
and others around us.
so we use words like a cooling balm
to sooth over everything...
we spend too much time in life trying
to make things comfortable for ourselves.
human nature..
but how much do we really understand ourselves?
understand the people around us.
we may at some point achieve the unthinkable.
we understand someone fully..am able to anticipate
their each and every move..
but then..that doesnt really last.
everyone changes..and when they do.
their not the same person you read like an open book.
so..we go on working towards understanding them all over again.
but sometimes. it doesnt work anymore.
and you just lose out eventually.
so we give up. be contented.
i mean. if you cant fully comprehend yourself.
how can you hope to understand another human being?

i dunno what brought on these thoughts in my head.
everybody needs someone to make them feel loved.
im no exception.
i think i've said this a thousand times; im tired.
i feel like im whining.
hah!

i hope if anyone reads this they wont think
im becoming emo over anyone in particular..
cause its not about anything specific.
im just ranting. being around people sometimes
makes me tired. i see so many people scurrying around.
everything they do holds a purpose.
one that benifits themselves.

i think too much. i know.
but i cant help it.
i dunno where i get these thoughts from
or why they cross my mind.
but their bothersome.
and getting them out just helps me deal sometimes.
so many flash around my head and in a blink their gone.
i cant type fast enough to even get half down.
i think i spend too much time in my head.
i should spend more time in the world.

i cant have an ending to this entry
because these are just my thoughts.
and i dont stop thinking..so i cant end this.
omg im not making sense. haha.
gosh i need a break.

rarrrss. im stopping now.

p/s: im not crazy. or anything.

2006-09-13T01:35:00.000+08:00

balling+ tanning + chilling + fun times = very exhausted mitch.

gotta wake up to ball with vonn again tml..
my legs are screaming NNOOOOOO....
blisters bleeding. protesting.
but yet.
the urge is so strong.
ugh. shit tired.
okayy will update todays events tml.
wayyyyyy tired.

hmmms.
i hope i can wake up tml. haha.
will sleeeppp after this damn post. rarrrrs.

"so close your eyes to sleep to dream
im by your side
no words to speak
we'll set our course and make it through no matter how far i go
my heart remains with you."

2006-09-12T02:11:00.000+08:00

i made it- two days.
im doing well i think.
vonn said that after the initional first week
things will start hitting me bad.
but im confident i'll work my way outta it.
"god wouldnt give me something he didnt think i could handle.."
i'll probably struggle.
but i'll work my way out.
head over heart.

im listening to my current fav song now.
"chasing cars" by snow patrol.
i keep replaying it over and over again.
until the tune is drilled into my head.
i cant seem to get enough of this song.

wow.
came home from work just now
and crashed straight away..
so tired.

then
woke up at 11pm. *yawns*
here i am. =)

tanning with cartel girls tml.
jo, wingman(sp?), gen..
im feeling shy..fat la.

hmmms.
blogger is again being screwy and i've typed this post three times.
but the thing is. after typing. i realise. i speak too much about how i feel.
i shouldnt show too much. expose too much.
i dont like the idea of being out in the open like that.
i feel like a deer caught in headlights.
i dont like that feeling..
so i decided not to type out the original entry.

"with time i'll learn to file her away in that mental drawer; marked the greatest times.."

2006-09-10T01:27:00.000+08:00

wow.
im lasting the night.
im doing wayyy better then i expected.
good job mitchy. =)
*pats myself on the back*
i sure hope you dont feel insulted that i'd wanna be over you.
its nothing personal.
just that it aint right to be living this half life.
and girl you know i'd do everything again
even if i knew this would be the same ending.
i love loving you.
but your gone. left. and out the door.
it not realistic to live in your shadow..
cause you'll never turn to look my way ever again.
dating. not dating.
i wish you well. you deserve the best.
it'll sting. i know. but hey..
thats love. you love till it hurts.
till your heart bends and still.
no matter.
unconditional.
thats real love.
and thats the love i offer to you.
silent. unspoken.
kept in my heart.

wahaha....came home form the docs and only slept like
less then half an hour. promised bev i'd turn up for their performance.
so rushed down. got ditched by jacinta..which was funny.
lucky nor was there. dinnered with them. mabel and nor came over.
my bed smells like mabel now.. stupid girl sprayed her perfume all over!
dunno how im gonna sleep now. =/
ohwells. i should be heading to bed now...
*yawns*
im meds are making me so tired.

if i lay here. would you lie with me and just forget the world.

2006-09-09T12:31:00.000+08:00

i feel lightened somehow.
i finally deleted all our msges.
it was time.
i dunno where the strength came from.
certainly not from this frail body of mine.
im sick.
missed work ytd.
connie is the nicest woman is the world..
she extended for me to take my shift.
and im gonna miss work today too. =/
but i think im still heading down for bev's perf.
meeting jactinta at 2plus.

wow. i feel a strange calmness.
i hope it lasts..hopefully it wasnt cause i was high on my meds.
lt just pray my strenght doesnt abandon me tonight.
i read everything for the last time before deleting them.
im moving on.
but your still in my heart girl.
i just think its time i let go.
i'll always love you.
=)

2006-09-07T04:51:00.000+08:00

I'm no hero, you remember how I was, you know
All I ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
I'm spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how I hoped it would be
But I had to protect you from me
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time I was around I just bring you down
And I could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
And I know the way I left wasn't fair
I didnt want to be around just to bring you down
I'm not a hero but don't think I didn't care

Stole the song lyrics from vonn's blog
I really. Really. Really. Like it..

Okay so I just got back from zouk
Tired. Tired. Tired.
Gonna head to bed after this post.
Somethings vonn said made me think
Is she right? Haven't I really?

Going for bev's dance thingy tml.
Three pm. Any takers?

Okay enough for tonight.

2006-09-05T03:19:00.000+08:00

"i really dont mind what happens now and then;
as long as you'll be my friend in the end."

--everything i know
and everywhere that i go
it gets hard
but it wont take away my love
and when the last one falls,
when its all said and done.
it gets hard.
but it wont take away my love..
-swear.

tonight's song choice is "hold her closer" by blessed union of souls.
good stuff everybody.
"hold her closer when she cries, and hold her closer when you know its time to say goodbye.."
sighs.
yupps! got back from another drinking session at BQ bar.
naddy was working today.
tired. tired. tired.
gosh work at 10am tml.
im screwed. =/

oh yeah!
smoked shesha(sp?)
i really dunno how to spell that..
but yeahh.
it was fun..
we finished within an hour.
lols.
only me, my cousin ver..caryn and lester.
fun stuff.
i think we're going to momo's on thursday
provided im not working.
my back account is fast depleting. =/
but ohwells.
hmmms.

went to have lunch with lynn today,
it was....interesting
i made lynn think.
silent phones are tough to get used to.
sometimes i feel like i have a illness,
something contagious.
that i tend to spread to others.
i blacken their hearts..
not on purpose..
but like everyone who spends too much time with me,
ultimately becomes sad and depressed..
and they dont even know why..
and im not even being emo or anything.
im bad for you.
my only saving grace was an angel i met.
she alone was able to lighten my dark glow.
and not get affected at the same time.
i dunno, but when im around her..
i just glowed with joy.
geniune joy.
and i'll be forever greatful..
i would be a much lesser person had it not been for you.
you're my angel.

dont get me wrong im not emo.
im not depressed.
im just greatful.
and i'll always be. =)

thank you so much.

anything i can do for you, please let me know.
i dont want anything from you but your happiness.
please believe me.
that means the world to me.

im happy now. =)

my dear,
lets be the best of friends i know we can be.
i'd really like nothing more. *beams*

2006-09-04T03:38:00.000+08:00

wow.

its so sad how things had to end so tragically.

i cant believe shane left carmen at the alter,
fuck shit mann.
thats just so damn tragic.
god..
they were so good together..
carmen looked totally torn apart.
but i mean shane must be feeling like crap too.
its never easy to make a decision to leave someone you love.
it takes alot of guts.
guess shane was scared she'd end up hurting carmen.
she left her cause she loved her.
wow.

gosh. im going to bed.
sighs.
*shakes head.

2006-09-01T05:19:00.000+08:00

i dont have to act pitiful,
to gain pity
we dont have to pray in the open either.
only attention seekers
and hypocrites do that.
thats disgusting.
i have backbone.

sorry, 5am. im not speaking sense right now.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i know no one understand what i just said but it doesnt matter.
just read inbetween the lines, those who know me well will understand.
went to sch today with lynn, sandra and zena. woke up late and cabbed down.
didnt even know i had to go. lynn called at 8am. i got there at 8.30am. -im good.
balled in the rain. (p/s: rain is major bummer for tanning plans.)
they came back to my house to chill. played truth or dare.
later sandra and zena headed home while me and lynn went out.
dinnered, movie, chill out. home. got home at 12plus.
phone died on me AGAIN. i think its spoiled. or the batt is.
waiting for the next pay this coming 15th. gonna buy a phone.
bringing family out tml, buying them dinner.
i should be in bed.

nights.

2006-08-30T12:17:00.000+08:00

i was gonna type this post out. but then thought better of it cause i felt lazy. but then i figured since i turned on my laptop already and i've nothing else better to do i might as well post something.

the song by taking back sunday is playing now..
no i dont think that you know what you've been missing..
no i dont think that you know what you've been missing..
~your own disaster

so, i think i must've been really tired ytd, after accompanying my cousin to walk ard tp certral. i took a bus from the interchange and even though the 232 bus is only 5stops from my house, i managed to fall asleep and nearly miss my stop. i woke up just in time..talk about being lucky huh. yeah. so exams are over..thats suppose to be pretty trilling. but its just bleahhh for me. maybe it hasnt sunk in just. i came home took a shower then turned on my lappy and then decided to go to bed. i asked lynn to gimme a wake up call at 11.30pm. but when she did, i kinda didnt remember talking to her..and dozed off again..then i woke up at 4am and realised what time it was, figured it'll be dumb to go online when everyone was probably asleep. so i headed to the toilet..then grabbed a glass of water..then came back into my room lay in bed for another 20mins, heard this song i liked so much that i just had to come online to check it out..FOUR THIRTY IN THE MORNING mind you..yeah. searched for sodamnlong. finally found the title. then headed back to bed. slept till about 8am only to hear repeative knocks and my mom's voice :" eh! you dont need to go school meh? what time already." that woman...sighs..sometimes.. she clearly heard me say my last paper was ytd so how could i possibly still have school? ohwells. had breakfast then came home. tanning plans with lynn was put on hold cause sun doesnt look so good today..gotta work later..ohwells. yeah.

i actually had a senseble post to post earlier this morning when i woke up at 4am. im still pondering if i should head back to bed to make up for the countless sleepless nights these past few mths. my body clock is so damn screwy mann. gotta find some way to fix it. and i need a hair trim..its getting messy again. i dont like messy hair...should i trim my fringe? but i want it longish la..no plans to cut my hair short again...promised my mom la.

sighs. im bored. bored. BORED.!
=/

2006-08-29T04:55:00.000+08:00

i've been feeling to lazy to post. Im gonna do damn badly for my exams.
Im feeling so zanged. so listless...nothing interesting has been going on.
Okay. Rather nothing that interests me. Im just bored of life in general.

Some people are waiting to die since the day they are born.

I look like a white chicken. Omg. Im so white its tragic.i dont like it..looking
White makes me feel weak. dont ask me why, cause honestlyi havent the slightest
Clue. Hahaha! ohwelllssss....its like what? 4.36am and im feeling.....nostalgic..
Chatting with Rachel online. ive got an exam paper tml evening. That im clueless about.
But im clearly not in the mood for book/lets..right Rachel?
we'll just reminisce and be emo together then dear one.

What mundane and sad existence we lead.

Rarrrs! Im bored/ listless/ tired/ emotionally drained/ mentally weakened/ physically exhausted.

Tanning on Wednesday!
Anyone up for it? Lols.

EVERYONE CHANT WITH ME~

LAST PAPER! LAST PAPER! LAST PAPER!!! HAHAHA!

2006-08-25T03:11:00.000+08:00

hello.
im bored.
i havent been posting cause there's nothing much that i wanna post about. sighs. life is so damn boring. no dates. no one special to dote on. no love. no life. no fun.
ohwells. exams are gonna finish soon. im probaby gonna fail every damn thing. =/
i guess i'll just update my past few days then.

alright..well, monday i cant really remember. i guess i just spent it mostly mugging for my math paper which was on tuesday that was pretty hard. yeah..then tuesday night, i went jogging with my cousin and mom. then came home and did absolutly nothing on the com again as usual. then around 12plus, hunger pangs started..wanted cousin to meet me at macs but she was lazy, and since i was talking to jolene (vonn's gf) online, in the end i went for supper in gardens with her. no worries. im not like trying to be funny or anything, im not that kinda person. we both asked vonn first. in fact i asked jolene to aks vonn along but she couldnt get out..so that's that. yeah told my parents i was gonna go for supper downstairs. they were already sleeping so yeah. got home about 2plus 3am. then came online accompanied lynn while she mugged till like 5am. headed to bed. then on wednesday, woke up early and headed down to ij to get the bball from sheila, then rushed down to hougang to ball with vonn and her sister and her sister's friend. balled awhile. headed down to gardens for lunch and to study, then jolene came down to meet us. then later gen came too but only a short while, cause like me, she had to work..but she start at 5pm, i started at 7pm. so yeah..then headed to work, was major bummed out. was TOO tired already. eunice and her gf came by, surprised to see me there cause she didnt know i worked there. must say her gf is really pretty. lols. yeah. then today (thursday) i took the day off to recharge my batteries. im so tired still. but im also feeling restless. sighs.
okay i guess i better go sleep la. nights.

uoyssimyllaeryllaeri

2006-08-21T04:20:00.000+08:00

talk about multi tasking mann. im having chicken soup, watching tv, and studying maths. i wanna sleep. but csi matathon is on mann. the one im currently watching is EXECELLENT!

sighs.

does it hurt when you think about me and how broken my heart is?

2006-08-19T02:19:00.000+08:00

hello there everybody, im currently posting this to proclaim that- THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I CAN BECOME A SMOKER. yupps. this is because, i took a puff today under the persuation of vonn while at work and i instantly started coughing..also right after that i developed a headache..and while in the bus on the way home i kept feeling like throwing up. gosh. i still feel sick right now. i wanna vomit but i cant. =/

anyhows maths exams coming soon. mitchy is screwed..okayy well not really.. i know most of my material, only problem is that i dont just wanna pass i wanna do very well la..i must prove to myself that i can do maths! something i was never able to while in secondary school. gosh i really feel sick *turns green in the face*

i like working it seems, im often left drained after every shift but it allows me to focus on work rather then things that odd not to be thought about. im currently waiting for my hair to dry so i can go to sleep..i dont wanna wake up tml with a even bigger headache. =/

roars! =)

2006-08-17T02:58:00.000+08:00

gosh.
i need to sleep so badly.
but no.
im up awake at 2.54am.
why again?
i dunno mann..
this stinks.
i wonder...
so what do you think everyone's doing now?
sleeping i guess..HAH.

help.

2006-08-16T01:47:00.000+08:00

too much has been said for too long.
its time to put this to rest.
time to stop talking..
there's nothing to say that hasnt already been said
no roads to travel that hasnt been throtted upon.
what a mess ive made.
gosh.
arent you tired of listening to my rubbish?
im tired of talking finally..
and i just dont understand what is wrong with me.
i just dont get it..
every possible solution, method.
i've tired them all.
and still.
whatever la..
i dunno how to use words to express my feelings any longer.
its time to shut up and wait for emotions to eat at me.
i never wanted it to come to this.
but you'll never know.

~this time next year
i'll be here. i'll be here.

and its okay if you had to go away
just remember the telephone
well, they're working it both ways
so if i never hear it ring
if nothing else i'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else and thats okayy
cause i'll remember everything you sang.

and if you could see me now..
im almost finally out of words.

2006-08-15T02:51:00.000+08:00

there's alot of things on my mind right now.
but im exhausted from the conversation i just had with my friend..
exhausted with what i learned from it..
well i guess we learn something new everyday.
gosh. im such an asshole.

im sorry.
so sorry.
really.

i cant believe i abandoned you.

2006-08-15T00:50:00.000+08:00

im feeling horrible.

2006-08-14T01:12:00.000+08:00

i cant imagine all the people that you know
and the places that you go
when the lights are turned down low
and i dont understand all the things you've seen
but im slipping inbetween
you and your big dreams
it's awlays you
in my big dreams
and you tell me that it's over
wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers
and your restless
and im naked
you gotta get out
you cant stand to see me shaking
no
could you let me go?
i didnt think so
and you dont wanna be here in the future
so you say the present's just a plesent interuption to the past
and you dont wanna look much closer
cause your afraid to find out all this hope
you had sent into the sky by now had
crashed
and it did
because of me.

and then you bring me home
afraid to find out that your alone oh
and im sleeping in your living room
but we dont have much room to live

and konstantine is walking down the stairs
doesnt she look pretty
standing in her underware
and i was thinking
what i was thinking
we've been drinking and it doesnt get me anywhere
my konstantine came walking down the stairs
and all that i could do was touch her long blond hair
and i've been think
but it hurts me thinking
that all these nights when we were drinking
no they havent got us anywhere
no.

this is because i can spell confusion with a "L"
and i can like it
it's to dying in a another's arms
and why i had to try it
it's to jimmy eat world
and those nights in my car
when the first star that you see
may not be a star
im not your star
isnt that what you said
what you thought this song meant

and if this is what it takes
just to lie with my mistakes
and live with what i did to you
all the hell i put you through
i always catch the clock
it's 11:11
now you wanna talk
it's not hard to dream
you'll always be my konstantine
my konstantine
they'll never hurt you like i do
no they'll never hurt you like i do
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

this is to a girl
who got into my head
with all the pretty things she did
hey
ya know
you keep me up in bed
this is to a girl
who got into my head
with all these fucked up things i did
hey
maybe
baby you could keep me up in bed
my konstantine

you spin around me like a dream
we played out on this movie screen
and i said
did you know i missed you(x7)
i miss you

and you bring me home
and we go to sleep
but this time not alone
and i know
i know you miss me in your living room
cause these nights i think
maybe that i miss you in my living room
but we dont have much room
i said does anybody need that room
because we all need a little more room
to live

my konstantine.

wow. that was a long song huh. sighs. i dunno talking to my friend and seeing her hurt so much when she recieved that email(?)/message from someone she loves makes me wonder if i made the same mistake that girl did? did i hurt the one i love by doing what i did? maybe rachel was right i shouldve considered from the other party's point of view. if it was me i'd be really hurt as well to know someone is letting me go. and i wouldnt have talked to them after that either.
oh fuck!
my friend kept crying just now.
im feeling rather down right now. =(

wow. okayy this really does stink. i havent felt this crappy is a pretty long time. now i wish i didnt do what i did. if i could only get a chance..i've fight to make things work, or at least not let things go the way they have gone. what was i thinking? man. i shouldnt have done that. im sorry rachel..your right, me and jillian(?), think alike..and im sorry. im sorry something like that had to happen to you. i know you loved her. am loving her. sighs. i feel so sorry for you. its so tragic.. but i believe that she did this cause she thought it was what you wanted..a clean break. she was scared of getting in your way. dont ever think she wanted to hurt you..and she still wants you around..oh man..if i could only tell her for you! i'd tell her to turn back before its too late..is it too late? dont stop loving her..even if its from a different aspect. gosh..this stinks. i'll pray for you.

okayy this is gonna be a pretty long post. i just got home form work this morning at 6plus..and i only went to sleep at err...7am? yeah..see, friday night i finished work at 11pm but i slept only at 2am. then the next day i woke up at 6am to head for work..so i worked form 7am until 11pm that night. then cause it was one of the people i was working with, the birthday and her house was in gardens at chuan terrence. so we waited for the rest to do closing then headed down to her place..vonn said it'll be a better idea to stay there till morning then take a bus to save money..so like we were drinking all la..then play games like truth or dare...where i kept becoming the scapegoat..not my turn also i kana help the other person...dunno why. and they seem to like the idea of kissing..yeah. so then didnt sleep at all. and in the morning headed home at about 6plus, in the end took a cab cause i was-so-damn-tired. cost only like 4plus that was cool. yeah and im still up right now but im damn tired. so gonna sleep soon. i think. sighs. so many couples last night.

2006-08-11T02:47:00.000+08:00

wow.
its actually been a year since i first started wearing it.
today.
11 august.
hmmms.

ohwells...

nights all.

2006-08-10T19:23:00.000+08:00

hmmms. i wonder who is ms/mr annon who has been reading my blog... i dont mind really. but im seriously curious to know who it is. anyhows...yawns!!!! im heading to take a nap soon. then later wake up to mug. can you believe it??! i JUST found out TODAY ONLY that i've got math comm test tml.. *smacks forhead* die la....dang! the rest of the class except those who are taking math as a elective dont have too come school.. bummers. =/
well i screwed DMD comm test paper today...it was so bad that i didnt even know how to crap my way through la..sighs. im screwed. looks like i'll be repeating DMD and database. sighs.

on a lighter note. im getting my pay soon! yayness! *beams*

im missing alot of ppl lately. sighs..

~where'd you go? =/

--------------------------------------------------

i can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
that dont bother me
i can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
im not afraid to cry every once in a while
even though going on with you gone still upsets me
there are days every now and again i pretend im okayy
but that's not what gets me

what hurts the most
was being so close
and having so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could have been
and not seeing that lovin' you
is what i was tryin' to do

it's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go
but im doin' it
it's hard to force that smile when i see our old friends and im alone
still harder
getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
but know if i could do it over
i would trade, give away all the words that i saved in my heart
that i left unspoken

what hurts the most
was being so close
and having so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could have been
and not seeing that loving you
is what i was tryin' to do..

not seeing that lovin' you
was what i was tryin' to do...

2006-08-09T23:40:00.000+08:00

i havent been posting and here's my reason why, other then the fact that im highly tired and exhausted everyday due to either work or sch. im rather stressed. now dont get me wrong trouble with me is that although im highly stressed. i cant seen to get my mind to focus on my work. sighs. i dunno when i first entered this course i heard it'll b tough..but seriously im struggling and its only my first sem. exams are drawing upon me.. and me being the horrible person that i am, cant seem to focus. im actually lookinf forward to going out AFTER the exams. gosh. exam not even over and im already thinking about after. haha. sighs.
on a better note my pay is coming..so i'll have cash..im thinking of going for a hair cut tml. but i'll be balling after i finish with exams. so i doubt that'll be possible.. maybe i'll cut on friday? after all there's no school hah. yayness! then the week after is study break week before final papers. *cringes* scaryy sia. =/

ohwells. i'd best start mugging for tml. sighs.

i just dont understand what everyone wants from me. and why things are so confusing. im trying to be as rational and logical as i can about things but their not working. but i now know that trying to comprened another human being's mind is like searching for a drop of water in a varse ocean. its almost impossible..so we should life's easier for each other and say what we think. gosh. sighs! okayy im going. gone.

2006-08-02T03:25:00.000+08:00

hmmms i seriously wonder who reads my blog, seeing how few know of it's existance..and those who do are probably wondering what im doing up at this un earthly time. many have headed to bed. im studying. or am trying very hard too. i think i'll do as much as possible till 4am then sleep till 6am then wake up to mug..paper is at 3pm. i cant afford to fail...dad worked too hard to put me in sch. i am an adult. adults are responsible for theri actions..and they dont act rashly and out of order..my friends think im boring and think too much, i think im just trying to grow up and be responsible..make my existance worth while..so i can im useful. and my shoulder can be depended upon..i cant be a kid cause there are too much, too many expectations i have to shoulder. but its okayy. it was about time i woke up from this dream anyways. secondary sch is long gone. and my family background doesnt enable me to be in that protected bubble gum life. haha. we all grow up someday. i wont act any way i please..everything i do has a conquence.

okayy back to mugging now. sighs. nothings getting in.

~i grew up much too fast.

2006-08-01T03:23:00.000+08:00

any time now.

2006-07-30T02:07:00.000+08:00

its not easy to be me.

~warmness of the soul

2006-07-29T04:38:00.000+08:00

i guess i was wrong.
funny how we stumble upon these realisations.
sighs.

2006-07-27T02:20:00.000+08:00

got home not too long ago..its now likw 2.15. finished work late today..uncle drove me back last. sighs. i'll post agian tml i guess. im so tired...and i think im falling sick..boss bought us all beer today i drank two very fast. ohwells! nights all...DMD test tml...

itsbeentwoyearssincethingsallbegan.doyouremember?

2006-07-26T01:44:00.000+08:00

gonna fail oop test today..so screwed la..but managed to "hong" our teacher into giving us extra lessons so we dont fail our up coming exams. haha. ohwells..i think i'll go through my comm skills soon, cause i've got a test tml thats worth 40% of my final grade for this mordule. so diedie must pass. lols.

i went jogging together with my cousin vanessa, aunty alice and dad just now..felt good to be running after not being able too for so long..surprisingly i was pretty fast..and like not tired. i came home and did crunches and push ups and such. i also figured out that i can sprint again.. yayness! lols. BUT i doubt i can jump properly YET. soon la huh..hahaha! ohwells! im sleepy.. *yawns* hmmms. i think comm skills tml shouldnt be too difficult la..after all its mostly common sense right? i think.. i hope. hah. gosh.. gotta go work at cartel gardens again tml, its damn tiring..but fun too..cause the ppl there are damn funny! we tell each other loads of rubbish jokes went we're not busy and laugh like mad! *beams*

okayy i think i heres a comm skills booklet with my name on it and i should go study now so i can get some rest.

counting down..

2006-07-25T02:28:00.000+08:00

dont think mitch, just keep moving.. *smiles*

been really tired..working and studying aint so easy after all...i havent been studying AT ALL. and i really dont want to fail. but like all the stuff we're learning is so dry that, my brain just automatically shuts off the moment i see the java codes and whatnots. im behind with maths again. thats cause i study maths myself. i dont get a shit my teacher is teaching. anyways. i decided to pull up my socks this week..mitch must work hard! BUT. after tonight. hahaha! im just not in the mood la.. i wished i was smarter...hmmms.

hmm. im feeling a little emo-ish tonight...god knows why also..tml is rachel's would-be anni, or rather the day things started for her...poor girl. she was so upset on thursday-late-night/friday-early-morning..that even though i was dead beat and just had a shower after getting home from work, i decided to stop by and check out if she was okayy. her msn nick suggested something was wrong. i comforted her then after making her promise to sleep when i do, and waiting for her to go offline first, i went offline too..drew his cute cartoon..by then it was 4plus..got her chocolates the next morning and surprised her cause she mentioned she wanted to bump into me in school so she could hug me. so she liked the stuffstuff. she said she loves ME! *evil laugh* see! i AM loved. *beams* =D

sighs. working again this wed,fri,sat and hopefully not sun. =/

ITiknkMyMsakIsckiacrng

2006-07-22T15:30:00.000+08:00

grp shot!
the girls =)
the girls again. =))
grp shot2!
germaine and me.
the girls yet again. =)))

some pics from presentation day.. more to come...

2006-07-22T15:12:00.000+08:00

omg i just typed a post and its all gone!! ohwells...yeah i was just saying that i hooked up my mp3 to speakers to listen to while i was taking a nap just now, i and rediscovered many songs that i totally loved like just afew months back, and i can totally understand why? im loving them again! haha. uber good shit man...so i decided to like write the lyrics of one of them, its called "this broken heart" by something corporate. and like i was sosoooo in love with this song awhile ago. enjoy!

you woke up, in pieces
from making these changes
and holding the ransom, won't write you an anthem
on the outside, I'm trying, cause inside, I'm dying

this broken heart was stronger then,
now I cant stand to part with this
this broken heart

you took me for granted
now I'm changed, you haven't
it wont be so easy to sell me this feeling

this broken heart, was stronger than, the words I wish you never meant
this broken heart

can't make this right, you see on my face,
that I'm not gonna be alright, not tonight,
you can read all my letters, but that won't mean things are fine,
not this time, cause you gave away all the secrets of you and I

this broken heart, was stronger then
now I cant stand to part with this
this broken heart, was stronger than,
the words I wish you never meant
this broken heart

yupps uber good song huh? ohwells. oh you know i found out im partly cantonese too! cool stuff? i always thought cantonese sounded pretty cool. "noi oui lei" hahah. im sooo gonn learn to speak la! yupppers. im headed to work soon. actually wanted to like head to tp interchange to look for jeans first, but then im lazy and sorta will make time very tight. seeing how i gotta be at work by 5pm..sighs. gonna be another mad day la! saturday..and i think im working till closing again *groans* that means 1am. i dunno where philip die go already.. cause he never answer my call? hope his not late again today. pretty soon im gonna smell like cartel....*rinkles up nose* eww. haha!

2006-07-22T02:06:00.000+08:00

sighs.
couldnt wake up for school again today. skipped DMD.
but got up briefly to pass grand's her butter.
headed back to bed. woke up at 10 and headed to school.
database test today not too bad pretty okayy. I HOPE.
super tired at work..but having fun. =)
im loosing weight..which is good! *beams
cause of work..i only have one meal of sandwich and orange juice a day.
healthy me! =))

okayy...im dead beat now.
gotta wake up for breakfast with family,grand's and cousin tml morning.
i think so should be turning in like NOW.
nights all!

p/s: i love helping ppl feel better! mission accomplished today! =))))

2006-07-21T01:24:00.000+08:00

omg! i need to complain!!!!!!!
ROARS! man do i sound like a bimbo huh?

gosh. i've been schooling and working so much, last week i worked, mon,tues,fri,sat. this week i work/worked..wed,thurs,fri,sat,sun. sighs! so much so that everything is touch and go for me now. i just basically am really busy. too busy to go out or anything..*groans. i so gotta get a life man. sigh. =/

anyhows. i woke up late today..classes started at only 12 today, so i figure i have time to get enough sleep right? WRONG! i totally spaced.. i set my alarm at 10am, woke up shut of the alarm, then decided to lie down for another 5mins. but no! i was suddenly jerked awake for dunno what reason...and thank god too.. cause i looked at the clock..and OHHH SHHHHIITT! it was already 1pm???? hahahaah! rushed round like a monkey..managed to make it for the next lesson..phew.. my attendence is screwed man..bummer. =/

database mcq tml morning. im praying i dont wake up late..rush straight from school to eork tml. plus its weekend. totally gonna be packed man. im working till closing at 1am somemore. shit. ohwells! hmmms tml's test is mcq..hopefully i can pass..i mean..open book somemore. hmm. wonder if i should skip DMD first three periods tml...after all attendence list will be passed around..and like i can ask them to help me sign my name......mom wants me to meet grands tml morning to pass her butter? maybe i should skip...if not there's no way im gonna make it in time.

oh! something funny happened ytd and today at work! ytd..okayy not so funny la cause he fell down...dunno how to spell his name anyhows one of the dudes working with me ytd la..like i mopped the floor and he fell???! oh shit man! he tried to balance himself agaisnt the nearest table and ended up pulling the table down with him..haha. thank god it happened during closing..imagine if customers saw. phew. yeah then today there was this guy customer quite old la..he came in and mick, my manager was chatting with me...then mick thought he wanted to use the toilet and like told him la..."hi..the toilet is just over there *points*" then we both stood to watch where he was going so i could serve him water la. then damn funny he sat down at a new table..and mick realised he wanted to order??! hahahha. we all laughed so hard la! gosh. i know it doesnt dound funny here...but it was la. so anyhows..found out that im working with this two dudes who are pretty tight with clarissa lim..cause of her boyfriend..ah..clarissa. gosh i used to like her ssssssooooooooooooooooooo much! when i was younger.. like when i was...err..12 to 14? ohwells..shes like the first babe i liked man..and wow! shes sooooo pretty now? haha. they all look better and better as they grow older..sighs.

okayy enough rubbish for tonight/day. im gonna head to bed soon.. =)

2006-07-19T01:47:00.000+08:00

the greatest questions in life:-

why some people are loved so much, without condition. while others arent.

and why when we wanna know the time we point at our wrist, but when we want to know where the washroom is, we dont point at our asses.

lols!

=D

2006-07-16T23:32:00.000+08:00

roars, work has been tiring...man..im so exhausted. ohwells.
school tml. drinking on the weekends. work. balanced.

2006-07-14T01:34:00.000+08:00

i realised that who we are in the day greatly differs from who we are at night. i had a long talk with my cousin, vanessa, and just finished and put down. felt weird, i was lecturing her, teaching her things. telling her to act her age and all that..when im her younger cousin? i dunno. i didnt say it so she got mad. but i was pretty fierce and firm. i dunno if anything got into her head..but i sincerely hope so. i've got a flash test tml for the DMD mordule. and im praying i'll pass. cause i dunno how to do anything. sighs. my cousin told me something just now that though i didnt admit to her, nearly made my heart stop and race twice as fast at the same time..i dunno how that is even possible. but it did. ohwells. i guess you no matter what we say we can never prepare to hear things like that. like what celest told me. shocked me too. some people matter too much so when you find out stuff about them, you naturally panic cause you love them. im sincerely praying for all their pain to vanquish. we all need some peace now. =)
gosh work again tml, it should be interesting i think...lalala...working with philip tml! yayness. *beams. both of us...but i hope we dont get made runners, although i think they will..cause we're new. so terkan us while they can kinda thing? philip aint gonna last..haha. its so strange having a msg conversation with your manager? haha..she was off duty and msged me through the day today. ohwells!

i've got volumes of things hidden in my heart
and if i were to only spew them all out..
they'd bury you and me alive..

2006-07-13T02:20:00.000+08:00

i really really need a hug right now.

you know the story about making choices? these boys played on train tracks, one lone boy decided to play on he not opperational tracks. while the other boys played on the opperational one. your a person standing at the train station and see the train coming, the lever to change the direction of the train towards the not opperational tracks is right in front of you. you have to choose wheather or not to pull it and change the direction all the while remembering that not making a decision is already making one.

im that person. its like to save some ppl i have to kill someone else..and no matter how im trying so hard to help everyone. i have to hurt someone either ways. and i cant lose my cool. this is so fucked up. =((((

just call me mr. superman.

i cant deal with this. but i dont dare breakdown.help me.someone, pls?

2006-07-12T01:25:00.000+08:00

omg. these last two days have been hell. =(

i've just started working at cartel in gardens and like WOAH. its SHIT tiring. =/
im up on my feet for about five hours every shift, running around like a mad monkey. ytd and today were my training days. and man...i had't do soooo many things so fast. but i guess they wanna push me to see if i can take the shit first. ytd started out pretty slowly...like things moved at snail's speed..the busiest we got was like late 9pm till about 10 almost 11pm. plus i was working inside so it was pretty okayy for me. but then! today i worked outside ALONE. i mean there was this dude who was working inside and outside la..but with him running around so much, duh i had to do most outside. my injured foot is suffering pretty badly. but all in all i think things moving fast is wayyy better then slow. cause if it were slow then time would crawl...haha.
i swear its a freaking lesbian world in cartel..oh god ytd they asked if i had a girlfriend. then today they were making a bet to see if i would fall for this girl there. which duh i wont la. although i wont deny she's pretty. philip's turn tml and thursday..his sooo gonna die. lols. oh and smt stupid happended today, i was happily walking past the counter when my manager mick and one of the staff were discuessing smt, and i caught a little of it, mick was like :" eh you one way or two way?" then the staff replied :" im strictly one okayy." and i happened to chosse this time to walk pass by accident, so mick turns to me and goes :" so you one way or two way?" and i stupidly replied :" me? no way." mick was shocked la.. but i just walked outside to look after things. she followed me and was like :" eh i got hear wrongly not?? you nv meh?" i told her yeah i never. and she was like asking how long i've been liddat, so i told her pretty long about more then five yrs. then she couldnt believe that i never did anything. lols. she kept probing la. how many ppl i was attached to before..and all that then i just didnt wanna tell my life story to someone i knew for only like what? two days? so i just was like err i liked only three ppl before. and yeah i never did anything.. she was like :" zhe meh ke nen???" hahhaah! and trust me. it's totally possible..sometimes, a relationship lacking that kinda physical contact is better..sometimes thats the way to find out if the other party really loves you. not just the physical aspect. omg i swaer any ppl who wanna turn straight, dont work a cartel. hahah! my cousin used to work there, and she says one thing..chances of hooking up with someone from your cartel branch is damndamn high. like 80% she worked there pretty long and she says, its happened ALOT. but i dont think i will kana la. lols. my cousin told me to go for it. haha. find someone there...but i dont think i will la. hmm.

ohwells.

i think i should go sleep really soon...yawns.
its not so much being tired. more so aching. =/

hey unfaithful
hey ungraceful
hey unloving
i will love you.

i cant get enough of this lyrics! haha.
its some christan rock group called underoath.

2006-07-11T02:48:00.000+08:00

why do we all lie so much.
its really sad. =/

http://whenthecowsgomoo-.blogspot.com/2006/02/i-understand-now_01.html

2006-07-10T02:41:00.000+08:00

i have many things that i would honestly like to spew out into this blog. but i've come to find that even in my own blog i have to be careful and weight the words and things i choose to blog about. im entitled to blogging as freely and about as wide a range as i possilbe want or dare to. but yet people who read my blog are also likewise entitled to commenting about my posts. i hate looking weak. haha. call it my pride. but i never want to be pitied. i rather be spat in the face. thats just my temperment. school's a drag. i guess its okayy enough.. just that, i mean it gets tiring. seeing faces you are unable to converse with on the same level as your secondary school pals; yes the unforgetable ones. the ones i love. they just get me. you know? ..no explaination needed.. no brave fronts needed. just me. and thats good enough for them. i miss sch. i miss ij. and i miss life as it WAS. those were possibly the best times in my life. their behind me now.... sighs!

OHWELLS! MOVING ON.

hmmms im working tml. yes mitch needs money, debts to pay, and things to buy, i think im old enough to stop depending so much on my parents, although, i never really did now did i? haha. only for the roof over my head, and money in my pocket. in terms of learning life's lessons, i've pretty much gone on my own. tackling problems. esp learning about love. i mean, considering the objects of my affection are exaectly like me kinda makes things difficult to approach my parents. lols! ohwells. i hope im not a lousy worker. and i hope tml will be a better day. im moody today. hello there stranger. sighs. i think i should head to bed now..

things to do tml:-
1)complete oopp project before leavign sch tml and hand in.
2) bring the pants for mich.
3)wake philip up at 7.15 tml morning.
4) find out the results of the finals.
5)work on getting a life.
6)head to first day a job, and try not to look like an asshole.
7)pray i dont get surprises at work.

i've got a heart like glass;
im gonna turn it into chrome.

2006-07-10T02:14:00.000+08:00

i looovveeeee......this song!

i heard a voice through the discord
a deluge of passersby
i saw one gaze frozen in time
watching me passing by

and i swear i'll know your face in the crowd
and i'll hear your voice so loud
when you're whispering

hey unfaithful i will teach you
to be stronger, to be stronger
hey ungraceful i will teach you
to forgive one another.

here's my kiss to betray (kiss to betray)
desperate to brush the lips of grace (brush the lips of grace)
do you feel hollow when you think of how i lied?

oh sweet angel of mercy
with your grace like the morning
wrap your loving arms around me
oh sweet angel of mercy
with you grace like the morning
wrap your loving arms around me

hey unfaithful i will teach you
to be stronger, to be stronger
hey unloving
i will love you
i will love you
i will love you.

and jesus im ready to come home
jesus im ready to come home (home)
home (home)
im ready to come (come)
hey unfaithful
hey ungraceful
hey unloving
i will love you
hey unloving (hey unloving)
i will love you.

underoath:- some will seek forgiveness, others escape.

2006-07-08T14:00:00.000+08:00

hmmms. im heading out to meet mich soon.
just one of those slacking, no agenda kinda outtings.
i havent had one of those in such a long time..
between sch, sch work/projects and what more work
i just havent had the time to indulge in the
old fashion art of "slacking". =)

im starting work on monday then tuesday..
sorta like a training thing to see if i can handle it.
then philip working wednesday and thursday..
then both of us working friday..

or thats what the lady and us had planned la.
anyhows. im bored..sitting on my bed..
hmms. maybe we should catch a movie later..
oh mich said im gay. AHAHA!
she say cause im hanging out with guys so much now..
one on one somemore...
but whats wrong with that right?
i just get along with guys i guess..lols.

i guess i better go bathe now..
meeting mich at 3pm in summerset
its now two and i havent even bathed yet!
gosh. hopefully i dont run late..
and i havent told my parents im going out yet.
ohwells!
chaos!
byebye now!
=))

*beams.

2006-07-08T03:19:00.000+08:00

your past made you who are today.
you can run but thats a fact that'll never change.

i might be reacting to nothing. but who cares.
im so infurated right now that i dont give two shits.

2006-07-08T02:19:00.000+08:00

im utterly disgusted with the drastic change one person can make.
its like totally different. im shocked. i feel like i got a slap in the face.
oops. looks like you dont deserve my love. yuck.
dont come to my blog. thats why i changed the add.
yupps to block you out. wow. you sure helped in curing me.
yes i still love you. but the you with a soul who gave a damn about ppl.
so this is the you i never saw..the one who throws ppl one side after
your done with them. your terrible.
i know im making this outta assumptions.
and maybe i shouldnt but it seems pretty clear cut.
anyhows even if im wrong about this..which i highly doubt.
you'll never read it. bleahhh.

seriously it was like a slap to the face.
maybe im over reacting maybe im not.
but if i was right about that post..
im mighty disgusted with the way you handle things.
compassionless.

itshurtsandmakesmesadtoo.ouch.
getoverher.

2006-07-08T00:55:00.000+08:00

omg. this week has been rather dull.
BUT things started to pick up towards the end of the week.
i had to finish the dumb comm skills project about myself as a best friend.
then the object orientated programming project.
which (thanks philip..) managed to make her post pone till next monday.. yay!

oh and btw. i passed maths exam. YAYNESS! *beams
first time man...lols. i got a B!!!! i cant believe it.. haha!
then i passed digital media design 9/10. =)))
and i passed that stupid i-dunno-how-to-do database fundementals.. 14/20.
ahahaha. looks like this is a turn in a good direction for me in poly..
no more failing like in secondary school.

ohwells. i popped by philip's house just now
so he could get his imac then head to my house
to download the show..
was suppose to meet avis and all for a balling session
but we ended up too late and they had already finished.. =/
sat at this void deck and watched the show..
with chips and snacks and drinks.
then his sis and boyfriend came to pick us up.
head to his house for his sis to change...
then sent her to boat quey
then sent me home...phew.

i think i might go tann awhile tml...
then come home do house work..
then maybe another balling session with avis and girlfriend(darius)
then some time with family..
maybe bring grand's out again..haha.

i sound so happy. lols.
im like caught up in my life such that i refuse to think.
thats VERY good. =)
i do **** her and all. but i told myself..
im not allowing myself to ever say it.
i think it'll only make things difficult..
and im gonna try to cut down talking about it.
distract myself. hmmms.
althought there's like tenthousandtimes a day..
that i catch myself almost saying it.
i wont.

i need to sleep..
and do my project.
but that'll come tml.

i took the trouble to look for a phone for her..
buy her a high card.. then told mich to give it to her.
never mind that she thought that it was from mich..
she said mich was the best and she loved her.
after all that, she decided not to take the phone..
i dunno maybe it wasnt classy enough for her..
i mean not my fault also..my friend last min couldnt lend.
she said:" id rather go phoneless then to use that phone..."
i can picture changign the words...
" id rather be without someone then have mitch."
*ouch.
hah!

met the guys the other day..
some casual remark caryn made
struck me so hard its still in my head..
i was like fooling ard..
so i said :" everybody loves mitch! "
then caryn was like. :" no i dont love you.."
then mich was like :" neither do i.."
so i put on my sad face and was like :" caryn you dont love me..."
then i acted hurt and was like "humph"
and turned away...
THEN caryn said :" ohwells...you cant make everybody love you mitch..."
i spun around, and caught mich's eye...
she knew what i was thinking...
OUCH man.
hit the nail right on the head..
right on the money..
like a dagger through the heart...
i couldnt help but tear..
i guess i couldnt. she was right.
sighs.

OHWELLS!

2006-07-07T02:40:00.000+08:00

being loved sodamnmuch must be such an excelerating feeling.
-someday;

first part of object orientated programming project is due tml.
class diagram.
i hate java. gosh.. yuck!
anyhows. im gonna head off to bed.
ivan will teach me the remaining stuff tml.
hopefully there's enough time to finish and print.
sighs.

after all this time,
girl your still on my mind.

2006-07-05T04:04:00.000+08:00

roars. im so tired.
i just finished doing the worst project i ever had to do
i mean who the hell promotes themselves?
and what pea brain of a teacher gives a project like.-
"advertise yourself as the best person for a best friend."
what rubbish. communication skills is crappy.

i think im taking french. hmm.
ohwells im heading to bed now.

i HATE liars.
but i love you.

2006-07-04T21:22:00.000+08:00

oh my, imagine this, mitch wasnt online ytd. lols. funny huh..
seeing how im always online. ohwells..who asked me to get myself piss assed drunk ytd.
super duper moody. looked through the phone. i hate being lied to. put me in a real shitty mood.
so anyhows. i came home with this massive hang over. gosh. terrible. hah.
i couldnt even bathe standing up. im damnit surprised that my parents didnt find out. lols.
woke up early and headed to school. man...came home after the test at 5plus
cause my head was killing me.

im pretty moody and sad about certain things right now, but im just not gonna think about it.
i've got too much work on my hands. and a future to plan. i cant take my eyes off the road ahead. cause im scared to find no one sitting beside me to accompany me. apperently i heard that there's rumors flying ard school that there's something on with me and betina again. god knows how that happened. but maybe i should give it a shot? maybe not.

okayy. i better go do my work before i head too deep into that crappy mood.

dont lie to me like that.
you dont know how much weight your words hold on me.

2006-07-02T18:07:00.000+08:00

so here i am to post about ytd. although it's only been like a day since i last posted, it feels pretty darn long. and why? cause of the whirlwind of events i had going on ytd. okayy so maybe thats not entirely true. but its pretty much the busiest my days ever get. im a impromptu idiot..who doesnt really plan out my day, i just wait to see whats up, and if nothing is on, i'll stay home..mug, sleep, watch vcds..whatever la.

okay, so ytd i woke up had breakfast with the parents, came home did housework, rushed to ij to meet girlfriend, caryn&lester, glenna. got there late. walked around ate alil. then headed down to tpwest cc the bball court with girlfriend to meet avis, mommy and all to ball. then rushed home to bathe cause i thought i was suppose to have dinner with parents. but they delayed so long that i caught a nap. earlier on alvina called me to ask me our to sarangoon gardens to chill. in the end couldnt have dinner with parents cause i was suppose to meet alvina at 9 and 8.30 we were still home. got a lift to gardens..chilled. cousin called. caryn called. all asked me to head to grandma's house. watch soccer, talked rubbish..i was singing at the void deck like a mad freak, drank alittle. then they forced me to stay over at grandma's. didnt sleep till 7am..woke up then headed home to wash up and go to church, but ended up didnt cause parents slept through. took a nap. went to grand's again and now im back home. PHEW! what a long day. =)

now im gonna take a nap. yawns.

2006-07-01T02:37:00.000+08:00

im not asking for much from anyone, everyone.
all im asking for is peace. is that so difficult to ask for?
just leave me be. cause your presense still lingers here.
and it wont leave me alone.

i heard "my immortal" as i was in the lift on the way home just now.
i havent heard that song in so long. it caught me off gurad. hah.
my left eye just twitched. i wonder if someone misses me.
or someones cursing me. lols.

anyhows, had my frist paper in poly today.
they were pretty strict considering it was just a test.
or i think it was just a test.
i mugged like hell. havent done that since Os.
felt good to be working my brains. felt even better when i finally understood.
so like the paper was okayyy.. i wouldnt say easy.
but manageable. hopfully i dont make tons of mistakes.
thanks to all who helped me. mich and all my classmates. =)

i think ij has some funfair or something tml. and im going with my GIRLFRIEND!
hahaha. omg thats sounded so funny. =)

i really wished we could just be friends.
im not asking for the moon..i dont need us to be more then friends.
i just miss the candidness, the fun and laughter we used to have so openly.
i cant have you. but is it also too much to ask to be friends?
you dont care. cause your gone. your gone away.

did i hear a whisper?
-if you dont like being hurt then please dont stay.

i r ea lly r e all y m is s y ou.

2006-06-30T02:12:00.000+08:00

first exam in poly tomorrow. -computing maths.

LETS GO! LETS GO!

HAH. was tryin' ta get myself pumped up for the paper..dang! i know everything but only half pass six standard. =/
okayy...gonna head to bed now cause im too tired to absorb anything else. =)
paper is at 4.30 tomorrow..shall have an early start, wake up early and mug. =))

im glad i was able to help. even in my small way. even if in the dark.

GOOODDDDYYYNIGGGHHHTTYYY. HAH!

2006-06-29T02:39:00.000+08:00

"out of my dreams and into my life
you are the
one
how can mere words my heart explain
you are the one
said i loved you but i lied
cause this is more then loe i feel
inside
said i loved you but i was wrong
cause love could never ever feel
this strong."

math paper is on friday. im damnit screwed. i dunno..i've been mugging. but it just aint getting into my head. i need an Amath guidebook.
i cant believe i barely managed to pass Emath. and now im stuck learning Amath stuff in poly..althought its not all Amath..but still most of it come from there.
its a real bummer man. sighs. but. i passed all my tests la. =D

ROARS. im so sick of this.

IF mich says:" never again?"
me:" *nods*. never again. no other would do. and i cant be comparing every other to her."

"she's such a beautiful disaster
and if i could hold on
through the tears
and the laughter
would it be beautiful?
or just a beautiful disaster?"

2006-06-27T04:37:00.000+08:00

" 4 o'clock in the morning..
my minds filled with a thousand thoughts of
you.."

its currently 4.35 in the morning.. hah. i sound like im giving a time forcast.
hmmms. i cant sleep, i've been tossing and turning in bed for the last hour or so..and i cant stop thinking. heard you lost your phone. msged sandra to see if she had a spare. i know what im going to do as a last gift to you. i just figured it should end on the day it began..i got alot of work to do then. gosh im gonna be so tired tml i tell you.. going to the market with grand's again. trhen rush home, bathe and meeting classmates to mug at woodlands? their idea man. ohwells. maths test on friday..gulps. pray for me..hah!